What Does Being Hypomanic Feel Like? Perspective of a mom diagnosed with bipolar type 2

Before I get into the meat of this topic, I need to preface that I am NOT a mental health professional.

Everything written here is based on my personal experience and understanding. If after reading this post, you think you may be experiencing, or have experienced a hypomanic episode, PLEASE contact your doctor to discuss it further.

With that said, I hope this helps you better understand yourself or a loved one who may be experiencing a hypomanic episode.

What is Hypomania?

Hypomania is a sudden onset of excess high energy and elevated mood, typically associated with Bipolar Disorder Type 2.

In case you didn't know, bipolar is a mood disorder characterized by periods of extreme highs (mania/hypomania) and extreme lows (depression.)

Hypomania is often referred to as "less severe" than mania, the main difference being it doesn't cause psychosis, but that doesn't mean it should be taken any less seriously.

Am I hypomanic or just in a good mood?

Honestly, this question can be really hard to answer, and a lot of my anxiety stems from questioning myself like this any time I notice a shift in my mood.

Usually, if it's just a good mood you know where it came from. Maybe you got some exciting news, or made an accomplishment, or bought yourself something new just because it made you smile.

The trouble with hypomania (in my experience) is any of these things can go from "just a good mood" to an episode pretty easily, but it's not always easy to tell if/when that happens.

Below are just a few warning signs of hypomania, and I'm going to break down each one as I've experienced it.

Elevated Mood/Euphoria

Probably the biggest indicator of a possible hypomanic episode is a sudden mood boost resulting in higher energy levels.

As I said before, this can be hard to recognize because sometimes you really do just have extra energy. If euphoria sets in however, that more than likely means I've entered into a hypomanic episode.

I like to describe euphoria as feeling on top of the world; like you have everything all together and every single idea that pops into your head is the greatest thing ever and simply MUST be put into action. This is where impulsivity tends to come into play as well.

When I'm feeling euphoric I'm more likely to do something on a whim, like **cough, cough** start a blog! Not this one, this blog I've been lovingly referring to as Where Self Love Grows 2.0, but the first time I attempted to create this blog, I was in the THICK of hypomania, only I didn't realize it.

I became hyper focused and did all the research on "how to start a blog" and "what is the best blog hosting site" but I never really stopped to consider how it would realistically fit into my life.

I had this grandiose vision of how I would help all these people by sharing my story, and have a cohesive brand with a merch shop, and an LLC, and eventually I'd write a book, and be this boss business woman, and, and, and...

If I'm being honest, that's still the dream, but the problem is I was trying to do it all at once. In my head I was convinced that not only could I do it, but I could do it all within the first year or two.

And so, with this deep sense of conviction, and seemingly all the confidence in the world, I purchased a hosting package and got to work designing my very own website.

You want to know what happened? I got hyper focused on designing the "perfect" website, and learning ALL THE THINGS there are to know about the "best" way to run a blog.

I got so wrapped up in fact, that I only ever wrote two posts, which looking back weren't even that great, but euphoria had me believing it was some of my best work.

When the hypomania started to wear off, and I started to come back down to earth, I quickly realized I had bitten off more than I could chew.

This realization in turn, triggered the flip side of bipolar disorder: depression. That's a topic for another post, but it's worth mentioning here because it caused me to get extremely discouraged, and abandon the blogging dream altogether. Or so I thought ;)

Racing Thoughts/Difficulty Focusing

Another common symptom of hypomania is racing thoughts, which make it increasingly difficult to focus on any one task.

When I talked about euphoria, I mentioned that it makes you feel like every single idea that pops into your head is the BEST idea ever, right? Okay, so imagine that feeling washing over you basically every five seconds.

I know that sounds extreme, but honestly that's what it feels like. One idea sparks another, which sparks another, so on and so forth, until all of a sudden you find yourself lost in your own head, daydreaming all these big ideas, and then oops, you can't even remember what the original idea was that you were working on.

Full disclosure, I'm more than likely hypomanic right now as I'm typing this. I have been trying to write this post for the past week, and I'm still not even half way through.

I find my mind keeps wandering to future post ideas, what I want to put on social media, all the different projects I want to do around my house, even upcoming sections for this post itself! Pretty much anything besides the sentence I'm currently trying to write. I keep re-reading what I've already written to refocus my attention and remind myself what it is I'm trying to say.

I like to call these "squirrel moments." If you've ever seen the movie Up, there's this dog in the movie who will be talking one minute, and then out of nowhere yell "SQUIRREL!" and then repeat what he said right before getting distracted. That pretty much describes me trying to do just about anything while I'm having racing thoughts.

Absent Mindedness/Forgetfulness

Do you ever walk into a room and then ask yourself "What did I come in here for?" I feel like we've all probably done it at least once in life. Well when you're having racing thoughts, these "What was I doing?" moments happen much more frequently.

When you think about it, this actually makes a lot of sense. If your brain is constantly running a mile a minute, you could think to yourself "I'm thirsty." so you start heading to the kitchen, but in the 10 steps it takes to get there, you could have had 10 other random thoughts, and then all of a sudden you realize you're standing in the kitchen with no recollection of why you got off the couch.

I can't even begin to count the number of times I've forgotten something this week alone. One day I accidently forgot to pack a drink in my husband's lunch, and then the very next day I remembered the drink, but forgot the utensils for him to eat with! That's just one example, but trust me, there have been several.

It's like my brain is on overload, and while yes, I do have extra energy, it takes SO MUCH mental effort to keep that energy focused on the things I need to get done. Which leads me to the next symptom I want to discuss;

Increased Irritability

Constantly forgetting silly little things and struggling to get basic tasks done that wouldn't normally need my full attention is frustrating, especially if I get interrupted.

I am a mom of two boys, ages 6 & 4, so as you can imagine, I get interrupted A LOT. Usually, I have a lot of patience and am able to pretty calmly redirect them, but when I'm hypomanic my patience wears thin much more quickly and I end up yelling far more than I would like.

This example of something that happened this week is hard for me to share because it was definitely not one of my finer moments in parenting, but I feel it is a very clear example of how this irritability manifests in my life, so I'm going to share it anyway.

One night, I was trying to cook dinner, and the boys were being particularly rambunctious (as young boys will do.) They kept running in and out of the kitchen, trying to steal snacks out of the cabinet, asking me a million and one questions, getting the dogs all wound up, and I exploded.

I don't even remember what exactly I said (I didn't just say it, I was practically screaming) but it was something along the lines of "You guys need to GET OUT! Stay out of the kitchen and just SIT DOWN! Leave me alone, I'm trying to cook!" and I'll be honest, there was probably some colorful language used.

I watched all the color drain out of those boys faces as they quickly ran into the other room. I felt bad for yelling like that, but at least they were finally out of my way. That is until a few moments later when my oldest came back out into the kitchen.

Instantly, I felt the rage start to bubble up and I was going to yell again, until I felt these two little arms reach up from behind and wrap tight around my waist.

My sweet little soul of a 6 year old could tell something was off with me and just wanted to give me a hug to help me feel better. It took everything in me to fight back the tears as I abandoned stirring the mac 'n' cheese to crouch down and give him the biggest squeeze!

Thinking back on this moment and all the countless others when my irritability has gotten the best of me keeps me up at night.

Restlessness/Insomnia

Between the racing thoughts and guilt over losing my patience, sleep can be really difficult. When I'm hypomanic, falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow is near impossible. My brain just doesn't shut down.

Some nights, it's all I can do to just stay in bed! In my head, I'm constantly going over all my ideas and how I want to implement them, be it home projects, blog posts, even planning what I want to wear the next day (or the next event we have coming up.)

If I think to myself "Oh, I need to add toilet paper to the grocery list" at midnight, I have to fight the urge to get out of bed and write it down that minute. That goes for just about every thought that crosses my mind. "I should wear my tik tok leggings tomorrow (if you know, you know) I wonder if they're clean?" I have to fight myself not to get up and check my dresser.

This is kind of a double edged sword, because constantly keeping my thoughts in check is tiring, so eventually, I do fall asleep. I just wish it didn't take 1-3 hours each night for me to finally knock out.

Final Thoughts

As you've probably noticed, all these symptoms feed into each other. The excess energy and euphoria makes my mind race, which makes me forgetful, which makes me irritated, and all of that compounded on top of one another makes it difficult to fall asleep!

It can be a pretty vicious cycle, but if I can find those windows of time where that energy is actually focused? That's when magic can happen.

That's when that idea that has been lingering in the back of my mind suddenly becomes a possibility.

That's when I have the courage to chase a dream I previously considered too big for me.

Not every hypomanic idea is a good one. Not every project I start gets finished to completion. But SOMETIMES there is that one magical "AHA!" moment in the middle of all those random thoughts that has real power.

It's really hard finding those magic moments, and I am constantly asking "Is this a good idea or do I sound crazy?" This is why having a support system is incredibly helpful.

During a hypomanic episode, I am always bouncing ideas off my husband, my friends & family, my therapist, pretty much anyone I feel comfortable enough to talk to that is willing to listen.

If you don't have anyone like that in your life, then I offer you my ear. Feel free to DM me on Instagram or if you want to be in a community of other women who have come together to support each other, I invite you to join the Self Love Vibe Tribe over on Facebook!

I truly hope this little glimpse inside my mind helps you better understand what it can be like for someone with Bipolar Disorder who is currently hypomanic. Be on the look out for my next post, where I'll dive into some of the things I do to manage hypomania.

Until then, remember to give yourself grace.

Xoxo, Terrin💗