Schedule vs. Routine: What works best for my bipolar brain

If you or someone close to you has been diagnosed with bipolar, you've likely heard it said that bipolar thrives on routine. And, if you're anything like I used to be, you probably rolled your eyes upon hearing that.

I cringed at the thought of keeping to the same schedule/routine day in and day out. I mean really, how boring does that sound?!

If you find yourself nodding your head in agreement as you're reading this, I'm about to let you in on a little something I've come to learn about schedules and routines, and how, if they are created mindfully, they can absolutely be a game changer for your mental health!

Disclaimer: I am NOT a mental health professional.

This is one of many management techniques I've added to my tool belt since being diagnosed. While I do believe these strategies to be helpful, they are not meant to replace professional help. If you have questions about bipolar or think you may be in need of diagnosis, PLEASE speak to your doctor.

Okay, now that we've established that, let's dive into schedules and routines!

The next thing to establish is the fact that schedules and routines are two different things. Once I realized that, I was able to figure out where they fit and how to make them work for me in my life.

Schedules

This is the one that used to bring on my anxiety. Schedules are time bound. From this time to this time I will do this. Then from this time to this time I will do that. And so on, and so forth, from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep at night, at least, that's what I thought.

This rigid time table mentality would send me into a mental tailspin. The thing about bipolar, and I think this applies to just being human in general too, but it's much more extreme with bipolar disorder, is that my energy levels can vary greatly from day to day, sometimes even by the hour.

Because of this, a task that would only take me 20 minutes one day, could take me up to an hour the next. If I were to follow a very specific time table each day, I would stress myself out trying to meet these self imposed deadlines.

Now, here's the thing I've learned that helped to turn this narrative on it's head, not everything needs to be scheduled.

It sounds so silly and simple, but it's true! You don't have to plan in detail every waking moment of your life in order to be successful.

When you think about building out a schedule, the first things to be considered are any pre-planned commitments or events that have a specific start and/or end time.

This would be things like doctor's appointments, birthday parties, your work hours, school pick up/drop off times, meetings, you get the idea, anything happening at a certain time is part of your schedule.

Once you have those commitments plugged in, you can build the rest of your day around them. This is where routines come into play.

Routines

When it comes to routines, the vibe is much more relaxed. Tasks and events flow from one to the next, times can be used as a guideline, but you're not tied to them. In short, your routines are where you can be more flexible throughout the day.

A good routine will feel natural and make sense for you and your life, if it doesn't then don't try to force it! Tweak it until it feels right. You probably already have routines established in your life without even realizing it!

For example, I go through the same routine every time I wash the dishes:

1. Clear all the dishes out of the sink + stack them on the counter by type

2. Wash everything in this order (cooking sheets, pans, pots, plates, bowls, cups, coffee mugs, cooking utensils, silverware)

3. Wipe down counters + stovetop

How long it takes me to do each step depends on how full the sink is, how many of each type of dish there is, and how many times my kids interrupt me while trying to get it done lol.

My point here is you can plug a routine anywhere into your day, and the way it flows makes life easier. If it's not making your life easier, then you're probably overthinking or overcomplicating it.

A routine doesn't have to be this long, drawn out, aesthetic thing. It is merely a series of tasks/events that you complete in whatever order works best for you.

So, what do schedules and routines look like in my life?

Before I jump right in and lay out my day to day, I feel it is important to note that it is normal for your routines to change. As people, we are constantly growing, evolving, and the flow of our days are forever shifting like the seasons as we go through the different stages of life.

With that in mind, here is what a typical day in my life looks like as a stay at home mom with one kid in elementary school, and the other in head start.

Morning Routine:

This is the meatiest routine of our day, it takes a lot to get myself, two kids, two dogs, and a cat ready for the day!

• Alarm goes off at 7:00am (some days the kids are already up, other days I have to wake them up, remember times are a guideline when it comes to routines)

• Turn on morning music + get ready for the day (dressed, brush teeth, re-do the messy bun I probably slept in...you get the gist haha) *if you're wondering what "morning music" is, I talk about it in this post! It's another tool I use to manage my mental health.

• Make my bed before we head downstairs for the day (I'll be honest, I don't do this EVERY day, but on the days I do it helps set the tone for a more productive day)

• Get the kids breakfast + off to school; youngest gets dropped off at 8:00am, oldest gets dropped off at 8:30am (these are scheduled events, they happen at the same time M-F during the school year)

• Take care of the pets (dogs out to potty, litter box scooped, all food + water bowls filled)

• Take care of myself; quick workout, make my coffee, AM journaling (like many moms, I have myself at the bottom of the list, BUT the point is, I'm on the list! Before moving on with my day, I prioritize time for myself to position my mindset for the day ahead.)

• Get started on my daily to-do's (if you want a full run down of what I do around the house each day of the week, read this post!)

This whole routine usually takes me until about 10:00am. I don't do everything on the list every single day. Some days walking the kids to school is my "workout" for the day. Sometimes, especially on days I have a lot on my mind, I'll spend more time journaling so I can really process my thoughts before going on with my day. That's the beauty of routines, they work with you , not against you.

Afternoon Routine:

This part of our day used to be super chaotic, and honestly some days it still is. Transitioning from school to home can be hard on little people (and on mamas too.) With this routine in place, things run a bit smoother in the afternoons because everyone knows what to expect.

• Pick up the kids from school; the youngest gets out at 2:00pm and then we sit in the parent pick up line until 3:15pm when the oldest gets out. This definitely feels like the longest hour and fifteen minutes of the day. To help pass the time, we have a stash of books that stay in the car to read while we wait.

• Afternoon snacks; the youngest gets his snack while waiting for big brother. The oldest gets his snack once he gets in the car (these are quick & easy like fruit snacks or granola bars.) I usually have a protein bar or something small while we wait too.

• Playtime with the kids; this was the big game changer for us! Carving out specific time every day to just be with the kids is not only good for them, but I've found that taking time out of my day to just play is good for me too. Bonus points if it's nice enough to play outside, because fresh air + sunshine is fantastic for my mental health!

• Around 5:00pm is when I try to get dinner started so that we can be ready to eat when my husband gets home from work around 6:00pm.

• We eat dinner all together usually while watching a TV show until it's time to get the kids ready for bed.

Again, I want to reiterate that the times here (aside from when I pick the kids up from school) are more of a guideline. If a day doesn't line up perfectly, I try not to stress over it.

Kids Bedtime Routine:

• Bath time; around 7:30pm the boys give daddy hugs & kisses, and then we head upstairs to get ready for bed. Bath nights are usually Thursdays & Sundays, but we'll sprinkle in extra bath nights as needed.

• Put on pj's; I'll be honest, they often skip this step! These kids like to sleep in just their underwear lol. I'll usually put my pj's on at this point though, unless I'm going to shower after they're in bed.

• Brush teeth; all 3 of us then head back to the bathroom to brush our teeth together. I like to do mine with the kids, because then I'm less tempted to have a late night snack later on haha. Also, bipolar makes it difficult to accomplish this step for myself. When I'm hypomanic I sometimes just forget, and when I'm depressed something as small as brushing teeth feels like an immense task. Doing it along with the kids helps to keep me accountable, most nights they're the ones to remind me "Mom, we have to brush our teeth!"

• Bedtime story; this one is honestly hit or miss. On bath nights, if the kids really want a story, I'll read one in the bathroom while they're still in the tub, but there are some nights that I just don't have the energy to read a story. If this is you, I'm here to tell you YOU ARE STILL A GOOD PARENT! Sure, in a perfect world we would read a fun and engaging story every night before bed, but life happens, and life with mental illness can make it an overwhelming task. The books will still be there for you to read when you're feeling up to it.

• Tucked in listening to lullabies; if you couldn't tell, we like music in our house! I have playlists made for just about everything. The kids enjoy it, I enjoy it, everybody wins! The goal is to have the kids in bed by 8:00pm.

Evening Routine

• Get ready for bed; as I mentioned above, I usually get ready for bed along with the kids, but I'll usually stay up roughly 2.5 more hours.

• Do something for me; like most moms, after the kids are in bed is the bulk of my "me time." I'll take this time to shower, write, read, do my nails, color, watch TV, whatever my heart feels like doing that night! I'll do this until 10:15pm when my phone goes into sleep mode (if you read this post, you know I LIVE by my alarms, especially when I'm hypomanic.)

• PM journaling + review to-do's for the next day; yep, I spend about 5 minutes twice a day journaling and honestly, it's one of the BEST habits I've gotten into to take care of my mental health (be on the look out for a future post all about my journal practice!) After I journal, I take a quick glance at my to-do list for the next day just to make sure it still fits with what we have going on.

• Pack lunches + fill water cups; my husband leaves for work around 3:30am (he goes to the gym and works an hour away) so I pack his lunch the night before, then I fill our water bottles to take up to bed for the night.

• Turn on comfort show + fall asleep; I'm one of those people that needs background noise in order to fall asleep, so the last thing I do before bed is put on a feel good show (I talk more about it in this post.)

And there you have it! That is a full rundown of how schedules and routines work together in my life as a SAHM diagnosed with bipolar type 2.

As you can see, I have a combination of scheduled, time specific events (some more rigid than others) and routines made up of things that flow one into the next, there is a loose time frame, but each individual thing can take as much time as I need it to.

Tips for creating your own schedule/routine

1. Start with things that have a SET time each day i.e. when you wake up, when you start work, when kids leave for school etc.

2. Then think about the things you usually do in a day, or things you would like to get done each day, but BE REALISTIC about how much time and energy you have to work with.

3. And the BIGGEST tip I have is to make sure you prioritize a little time for yourself. Even if it’s just a quick 5-10 minutes, make sure you do something that feeds the soul of who you are as a person each day, something that brings you joy. That something could be as small as making it a priority to drink your morning coffee while it’s still hot. Just make sure you carve out a little bit of time for YOU!

WOW! This was a long one. If you read through to the end, know that I appreciate you so, so, sooo much! As always, I hope you found something helpful here, or at the very least, you feel less alone.

If you want to keep up with me in real time, feel free to follow me on instagram and facebook, hope to talk to you soon!

Xoxo, Terrin💗